Being Authentic In A World of Rules

I shared with a loved one that I wanted to work no more than 20 hours a week. They asked what I’d do with the rest of my time. I immediately felt a pang of guilt.

Maybe I should be working more. Maybe I should always have a part-time job in addition to coaching. Maybe I should volunteer at animal shelters and in schools.

The societal norms struck me square in the face. I have a lot of feelings come up about the life that I set out to live, which at this stage in my life changes a lot. One minute I think I want to work a 20 hour week and the next I think, what the heck else am I going to do with those hours in the day, I might as well work for 40 hours as long as the work is engaging and purposeful.

There are a lot of should’s and rules thrown around when it comes to how to live our lives. There are books, podcasts, mentors, and loved ones that tell us that we should meditate, exercise daily, get 8 hours of sleep, get a degree, use the degree, dedicate your life ONLY to work that you love, be in a monogamous relationship, find a way to make a passive income and retire at 30, eat a Mediterranean diet, eat vegan, start a family, always save your money, and the list goes on.

I think about all of the rules and I’m like pfttt, this is far too complicated. I shall make up the rules as I go. There is someone out there that is screaming, “NOOO, you should NEVER make up the rules as you go. That’s a recipe for disaster”.

Do you know what? If that disaster is empowering, I shall own that disaster. Even if it’s not empowering, I’ll own the disaster. It occurs to me like we use rules as a way of avoiding pain and failure. If I live life THIS way, it’ll all be fine and on my death bed, I’ll be able to declare my life perfect and painless. It just doesn’t work that way. Pain and failure are inevitable. Not every rule or piece of advice will work for you or me.

I’m really looking to engage in the world and see what genuinely works for me. Treating it all as an experiment of sorts. It’s much less significant that way and allows me to let go of any guilt or shame if I’m not following the “prescribed” way of doing things.

Some food for thought.