How You're Self Sabatoging Your Success

You're a lone wolf. You refuse to let people in. The idea of support makes sense intellectually but for whatever reason, you haven't taken action.

Support. What does that word mean to you?

It might mean weakness, oversharing, burden, fear, etc. So naturally, you stay comfortable in your solitude and come out of your cave when you've produced the results. I've been there.

If I stuck with the story that I had to succeed on my own, quietly behind closed doors and computer screens, I would have quit a long time ago. Chances are, the lone wolves quit after a while too. Maybe they make it to the finish line, they're just a bloody mess.

There was an article titled "Loneliness Matters: A Theoretical and Empirical Review of Consequences and Mechanisms". A few things really struck me.

"As many as 80% of those under 18 years of age and 40% of adults over 65 years of age report being lonely at least sometimes".

"Loneliness not only increases depressive symptoms but also increases perceived stress, fear of negative evaluation, anxiety, and anger, and diminishes optimism and self-esteem".

Imagine pursuing a goal when no one really understands what you're doing or why you're doing it. Imagine doing something that strays from the norm and lacking social connectedness.

Now, imagine surrounding yourself with the tribe of people that understand what you're after. They know what you want, why you want it, and what it means to you. They get the significance of what you're taking on in life. It may sound small but take a second to think about the difference it would make for you, whether you're an entrepreneur or at the 9-5.

Support means relationships and relationships mean vulnerability, a willingness to be known, and sharing all parts of yourself. All of that is totally in our control as humans. Yet, we find so many ways to blame our circumstances for our lack of social connection.

"I'm too tired to put myself out there after work."

"Finding friends is so much harder after you graduate."

"I think I've got this on my own, I'm good!"

"They don't really understand it so it doesn't make sense to tell them about what I'm up to."

In truth, we can join a sports league. We can jump on 5 calls a day with people that stand for us at our best. You know, the people that tell you what you need to hear instead of what you want to hear. Those folks are gems, keep them around.

My point is, you're in your own way. You're making yourself struggle when you don't have to. Invite some levity and ease into your life, we're not put on this planet to do it alone.