Happines Is Your Responsibility

I haven’t had many relationships, romantic ones anyway. We’re usually in relationship to something though. Relationship to ourselves, our family members, friends, the earth we inhabit, our cars, time, etc. But being in relationship romantically has a crazy way of allowing you to see things in yourself that you were blind to on your own.

It’s easy to say you’re a catch when you haven’t really been in a “serious” relationship with another person. I thought to myself, anyone would be lucky to have me. And…that’s true. Even if I have trouble allowing myself to believe it.

I sincerely think it’s a courageous act to be in relationship.

You have to be far more considerate, empathetic, patient, forgiving, selfless. You have to be open to compromise. You have to listen, not just hear. You have to give love to another human being. Being in relationship is vulnerable and uncomfortable. It opens you up to a lot of hurt, pain, doubt, even loss. Love is a beautiful thing that allows you the privilege of feeling the entire spectrum of emotions. It’s magic and wonder.

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I have this assessor within me. She’s an expert at judgment and self-criticism. Nothing is ever good enough and nothing ever will be. She is self-sabotage disguised as personal growth. Maybe you’ve got one of your own. Mine plays out in that my relationship will never be good enough and I will never be good enough in it. There’s no way I could possibly keep another human being happy for the rest of our lives together.

90% assessment, 10% love/relationship. Sound fun? Nope. Sounds like misery and a migraine.

What if it were the other way around? What if I were in love/relationship 90% of the time? It would mean gratitude, the ability to fall in love, laughter, joy, ease, undying support, trust, fun, living, uninhibited authenticity, growth.

What would make 90% possible? If I took complete ownership of my own happiness. If every day, it was about me and what I enjoyed. Doing things that made me lose track of time. It sounds so simple but making sure that you present yourself to the person you love completely happy on your own could change everything. It’s two people standing side by side, parallel to each other, sound and grounded. Happy together, not happy because of each other. Sharing in happiness without the pressure of being the other person’s source of happiness.

It’s cool because you take all of the pressure off of your partner to meet your expectations. Instead, you get to prioritize all of what lights you up, so you can come to your partner capable of loving them with warmth and a massive open heart.

Yeah…I choose that.