The Colonoscopy That is My Life

I’ll be going into month five of my life coach program in December. As of now, I relate to the journey as a colonoscopy. Not that I’ve ever had one but they sound excruciatingly uncomfortable, health benefits aside. That’s exactly how I feel. Life since beginning the program has been incredibly challenging emotionally and mentally. I’ve become more aware than I’ve ever been. I am constantly trying to be mindful of old patterns and self sabotaging thoughts. I’ve discovered my Essence and my Purpose. I just recently got present to my values again.

There’s this thing called dissonance; “a tension or clash resulting from the combination of two disharmonious or unsuitable elements”. It comes up for me when I don’t honor my values, essence and purpose. When I decide to stay cooped up in the house because I don’t allow myself to spend, I cut out adventure. When I hold back because I think things will go sour I ignore authenticity and transparency. When I decide that it’s best to take care of myself instead of reaching out for support, I act contrary to personal growth. I become toxic to myself and others, simply put.

I don’t know many people that are comfortable with change. I am certainly not.

But I’m really tired of the roller coaster of feeling okay, enduring a bunch and then feeling like a train wreck. I’ve come to the point where it’s harder to stomach the dissonance than it is to change. So here it goes. Time to get extra uncomfortable in service of my happiness and the happiness of the people I love and care about.

What are your values? Where do you honor them; where do you let them fall at the wayside? And what are you willing to do to change that?

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