What Do You Need?
- Angela Cangialosi
- Nov 21, 2017
- 2 min read
You know you have a problem when you feel awkward asking your best friend who’s hosting you to use their shower. By you, I mean me.
I’ve considered myself a burden for a long time. Maybe pest is the right word. I remember asking my mom for a pool and her response was always “When you can pay for it.” or “Who’s gonna pay for that?”. I love my mother. But it was instances like that that made me hesitant to ask for what I needed or wanted. It became easy to be a people pleaser instead. It meant that I’d always be liked. I would never step on anyone’s toes and I’d avoid conflict at all costs.
I’m only now beginning to discover what my needs are because I got in the habit of dismissing them completely. I thought that if I took care of everyone else that’d be enough to keep me happy. Boy was I wrong. In fact, it has backfired consistently.
There’s that quote, if you don’t ask the answer is always no. Along with no is this incessant dwelling over the fact that John didn’t take the dog out when I felt too tired to do it or Becky didn’t ask me about how my day went. Wouldn’t it be great if people could read our minds and understand us better than we understand ourselves? It’s not going to happen without opening your mouth and teaching them how to meet your needs as if they’ve never met you before.
What’s the worst that could happen? Some form of rejection. The rejection doesn’t need to come with an interpretation about the other person or yourself. For example, I’m not an embarrassment for asking for a raise and getting denied. I asked for the raise, my boss said no. The end. And life goes on.
I get that it’s magnificent when you don’t ask and you get what you want anyway but…how often does that actually happen? Consider what you need and what you want. Choose to take responsibility of those things. Go after them and grow along the way.
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